Returned Damaged
by saye0036
Summary: Bond returns from Skyfall damaged by the loss of M and comes to Q's flat drunk. A relationship begins to change. Bond/M-Bond/Q
1. Chapter 1

Bond returns from Skyfall damaged and comes to Q's flat drunk. A relationship evolves.

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Q sips tea in front of the telly on a rainy evening. The past few weeks have been the best and worst of his career. He became Q and then managed to plug a deranged killer's computer into MI6 systems allowing him to escape and kill more people.

M.

She was an interesting woman and now she's gone. Q would have loved a chance to get to know her better.

Work is still in mourning for the dominating matriarch who controlled those halls for so long. Tanner, Mallory and Eve have all told him he is not to blame but…

The doubt lingers and there is someone out there who might not agree with their assessment. 007 has not returned from his medical leave. To be honest Q's frightened to come face to face with him again.

Tanner's crushed by her loss. Q can only imagine how despondent Bond must be. There were no shortage of rumours around MI6, indicating a special, pardon the pun, Bond between the two of them.

If 007's rush to get to her and kidnap her was any indication, it was not just M being sentimental about her best agent.

James Bond has always had the ability to make Q feel like an unsure school boy, his palms sweat and he feels giddy and nervous in the man's presence. More so than any of the other double 0 agents that work with him. They all have a different style about them but Bond's a creature that imbeds himself in your psyche with ease.

The annoying man has been in Q's thoughts a great deal since they were introduced in the museum. The pictures of Bond that he viewed before their first meeting, did nothing to prepare him for actually seeing the man and having those intense eyes meet his. Q almost lost his breath when they locked on him. He just managed to look back to the artwork, without completely embarrassing himself. He gave Bond the information package for his ill fated trip to China.

Q putters around the flat, feeding his cats and getting ready for bed when a pounding sounds at his door.

Q hesitates and calls out. "Who is it?"

"Bond."

Q opens the door quickly to see Bond's red rimmed eyes as he leans disheveled against the frame of his door.

"Well are you going to let me in?"

Q moves out of the way not knowing what to say.

Bond moves to remove his coat but stumbles drunkenly into the wall. "Q, you and I need to talk."

"007 I'm sure whatever you have to talk about can wait until tomorrow when you're sober. I didn't think you were due back until next week?"

"The funeral was today."

"Yes I know, I was there and I did not see you."

"You...not...suppose...to see...us. The others were there too...did you see them?"

"What the other double 0 agents? I think I saw 005 but what's your point Bond?"

"We were all there...and stayed...stayed in the shadows….where we belong." Bond finally manages to dump his coat on the floor and walks into Q's kitchen. Bond moves to the refrigerator and opens the door. He finds what he was looking for and retrieves a beer.

"Help yourself 007." Q says rolling his eyes at the inebriated agent. "Why are you here Bond?"

"What? Don't you want me here? Come on...I heard...that you...well...I can't imagine...you not wanting me? Most do...that is what 00 agent are for...getting into places...with our looks and skills…"

Bond wanders to the living room and plops down on the sofa. "Whatever it is you heard. I do not enjoy being snuck up on Bond." Q says peaved at the fact his sexuallity has obviously been the fodder for gossip amongst the double 0 section.

"Don't get your knickers...in a twist Q. I came here...to find out...how in...the hell it happened?"

"What happened?"

"You….you know bloody well...how did Silva do it?"

"Enter the systems? I plugged him in because M ordered me to find out what was on that laptop." Q says quietly.

Even saying it, sounds hollow to his own ears. He never should have plugged it into the main system regardless of M's orders. That is usually the number one rule. It was just that when you get an order to do something from on high that is needed so quickly...well the rules get bent. This time, him bending the rules got M killed.

"She did...you...should have known better!"

"This is it...this is what I've been worried about. Bond, I am sorry. I know I never should have and I understand if...if you…"

"If I WHAT! You understand nothing!" Bond yells. "We all had a hand in it...all of us! You were new...you should have been...the more cautious of the lot...of...us."

"Yes. You're right. I should have been."

"I miss her."

Bond says it so quietly Q barely hears it. "What?"

"I miss...her...M."

"I think all of MI6 misses M."

"No."

"No?"

"Not like this." Bond points to his chest. To his heart actually. "Maybe...Tanner...the two of us...we were closest...she...she…"

"You were like sons to her."

Bond looks at Q with a glance that says far more than his drunken slurred words can manage. There is a tear coming out of the corner of his eye. It silently slips down to splash against his black dress shirt.

"Ok, not like a son then."

"No. Not like a son."

"Bond...were you?"

"Yes."

Q was thinking lovers but he does not think Bond's answer cover that completely. "No one knows that you were lovers. There were rumours of you being her favourite but no one went to the extent to think you were lovers."

"Lovers….lovers...what is...a lover? I was...I wanted...was a lover...of a sort."

"Of a sort?" Q is confused by his drunken musings on the definition of lover. He supposes at different periods of history that there were other interpretations of the term. It seem more like Bond is trying desperately to find that answer himself.

"We never...I didn't have...the nerve...she never would have...it bloody well never got that far!" Bond snaps grabbing Q by the shoulders and shaking him. Eyes bloodshot and crazed with bubbling emotion. Regret. Bond is wallowing in pain and regret.

Q freezes in fear and remorse for what this damaged man has lost. It's eating at him, just as the guilt of what happened has been eating at Q.

"You loved her." It's not really a question. Q understands a bit about unrequited love. Having a crush sitting on your sofa with you, while confessing his love for someone else is like a stab to the heart.

"Yes." Bond releases Q as the answer croaks out of his throat and he leans forward and palms his face with his hands.

Q has no idea what to say next. The man is in gut wrenching pain, so he says what everyone says in incidences like these. "I'm sorry." It sounds hollow but it's true. Q feels the pain hang in the silence between them.

Q barely knew her but was struck by her all the same. Now she's gone and there is a gaping hole where she use to be. None of that is more evident than with Bill Tanner and James Bond. The two of them remain quiet for a while, as Bond drinks his expropriated beer.

Q feels like telling him, that he hardly needs any more alcohol but maybe he does. James is drowning in remorse as well as drink.

"I just wanted to know...why...why...you did it?"

"What? Plug in the machine?"

"Yes."

"She ordered me too! M never seemed like a woman who expected her employees to ignore her wishes."

Bond scoffs out a sudden laugh. "No...she wasn't...that type of woman."

"What type of woman was she Bond? I didn't know her long."

"She was...I don't want too...I can't talk about her."

"Maybe you think that, but you came here to do just that. Unless, you were just here to steal my last beer."

"Fine! M...she made me...guided me. Yelled at me...bitched me out for being an ass...many...times...but she trusted me. I pushed her and she bloody well pushed back! I always managed to...coerce...manipulate...but...not with her. I never got my own way...she never let me close enough. I flirted...I tried...she never saw me...or refused to believe it...I would have...with time. Beautiful...she was older...but there was so much beauty in her...around her. Bitch that she was...she owned it! No one could ignore her...power...her eyes...her eyes, so blue. They flashed and I would loose my breath...electric. There is no more time. I failed. We all failed. She died...I am near to death. That's what a 00 is...always...near...to...death.

"I am so sorry Bond. I don't know if I can ever successfully get you to believe that, but I am. I did not want her to die."

"I know...I know. I fought with Bill tonight...over the same thing...we all had a hand in it. Mallory could have ordered back up. M could have told me...she had been shot. Tanner...shit! Tanner could have got her out of that courtroom earlier...you emailed him."

"Yes but she refused to leave. Listen Bond, Tanner and Mallory feel as guilty as me about what happened, but there is nothing more we can do. We cannot go back in time."

"No. We can't. If you could start working on a time...tardis...machine...thing. I will be your first test subject. You let me know...if you ever start working on one...ok."

Q cannot help but smile at the request. "I will let you know the moment I manage time travel Bond. Would you like to sleep on the sofa?"

"I would rather not be alone...could I?" James nods his head towards the hall which leads to Q's bedroom.

"What?" Q says shocked.

"Could I…sleep with you?" Bond looks at him with pitiful eyes. Q flushes red and stands up holding out his hand for Bond to take. James takes it and follows him to the bedroom.

"I don't want to be a rebound 007."

"You aren't. You're a friend. I just want to feel warm...still so cold...I like you...I do trust you Q. Whatever happens...don't doubt that."

Q has had relationships begin with less and he cannot deny his attraction for the older man.

"Bond...whatever happens…" Q begins to help Bond undress as Bond's clumsy hands begin to help Q undress.

It's not like Bond has never had a relations with a man before, and after what she put him through...He simply can't find solace in the arms of another woman that means nothing to him.

"Yes, Q."

"I do hope you don't snore. I have to work tomorrow."

"I don't think I be much of a threat to your sleep tonight Q, but I don't make promises…"

"Promises about what 007?" Q asks hesitantly.

"About when I'm sober."

"Will you regret this Bond?"

"No, but you might."

"I think I will take a chance on you James."

"Good...I'm taking a chance on you too Q. I am not friends with many."

"Do you sleep with all your friends?"

"Yes, or at least I try to...just ask Eve."

"What about Tanner?"

"Like brothers...he and I...we could never…"

"Ok, but Mallory?"

"He is the new M...and I do...have a thing for...M's."

"I bet you do. Authority figure complex." They are both down to their pants and crawl into bed and spoon. Q is not willing to cross the line yet. Bond is too drunk and just needs a friend in this moment.

"Yes." Bond says sounding despondent again. His mind going back to the woman he loved and respected more than any other.

Q realizes his mistake the moment he says it. Bond held the woman he loved in his arms as she died. That is too much for him to bare at this time. His emotions are running wild and allowing this new relationship in is a big step for the man.

Q hopes this evolves into something more. He is more than halfway in love with the stubborn man as it is.

Tomorrow is another day. The pain will lessen over time and hopefully Bond's heart will heal with the help of a very good friend.

The end.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Morning After**

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Q wakes early and leaves Bond to sleep off his hangover. Q readies himself for work wondering about James' confessions last evening.

Q's very attracted to Bond, but he really doesn't relish being one of his toss away playthings. What will it do to their professional relationship?

"Damn it all!" Q says after he misses his train daydreaming of the blond man sleeping off his grief fuelled drunkeness in his bed at home. 007 is trouble plain and simple. An incredibly sexy package of trouble. It eats at him as he catches the next train to work.

What does Bond want with him? First off, he never took the man for having any major draw towards other men, but then he would not be a stranger to it in his type of work. Why did Bond pick his flat to pass out in? Why not Moneypenny's? They have always seemed close.

Eve is the first to acknowledge Q upon his arrival. "Q, you look done in. What have you been doing? Staying up all night watching telly?"

"No, Eve. I had a late night visitor."

"Ohhhh...do tell? A booty call?"

"No a 007 call. Very drunk."

Eve smiles and laughs. "Really?"

"Yes. I don't know what to make of it Eve? I didn't think...and then he asked to sleep with me."

Eve follows him down the corridors towards his lab to continue the conversation.

"Q; do you have a crush on 007?"

Q can feel his face turn red and heat up.

"I guess that answers my question. What did Bond say? Why did he come to your place?"

"He wanted to know how and WHY?"

"Why what?"

"How Silva did it and why I plugged in his computer to the mainframe, releasing him. Bond was a wreck...I've never seen him like that. And did you know he was at the funeral yesterday?"

"No I didn't but it doesn't surprise me. What else did he confess to you drunk, besides wanting an evening in your bed?"

"He was crying over M. He...he was hit very hard by her death...I think...well as you can imagine...he said he...fought about M. He had just come from a pub with Tanner."

Moneypenny's eyes light up. "Oh, don't worry I know Q. You are not giving any secrets away by saying that he loved her. We all knew how close they were."

"Not just close but…"

"But what Q?"

"That he was _in love with her_."

"WHAT! As in...affair with the boss...in love!"

"Yes; and she broke him, by dying in his arms."

"Christ! Did they? Does Tanner know? He likely does. I mean did Bond tell you how far it went?"

"It was unrequited love. She never let him close enough."

A tear suddenly drops from Moneypenny's eye. "Oh dear...god. Poor James...this is just the worst. My heart breaks for him. It breaks for them both."

"Yes; well now he's still passed out at my flat."

"What are you going to do Q?"

"Nothing...nothing happened. I told him I don't want to be his rebound. I don't think it's wise to encourage him further."

"Good for you Q. Yes you don't need that kind of James Bond driven madness right now."

"No…I don't need that." Q says pensively thinking about kissing the blond agent.

"You want too...don't you? You want the madness that he can provide. You little devil you."

"Well…I..."

"Q, I am going to give you some advice about James Bond. Hold out as long as you can. Force a deeper friendship first. Friendship over sex, even if you desperately want to give in."

"You think he will respect that more?"

"No but he's too damaged now and needs to see this clearly. I will speak to him. He will sleep with you but then he will leave, and from what I can tell, you are in this for the long haul. You don't seem the type to crush on someone just to sleep with them once and say that it's all fine and goodbye...oh by the way I will see you everyday at work."

"I see your point. I thought that last night. I will speak with him sometime soon, or he may just play like the entire thing didn't happen." Q says, more than a little depressed at the thought.

"He might; but knowing James, I don't think so. He respects your position in the organization, and hopefully he will be professional. It's you I'm concerned about Q. A heavily one sided relationship is not fun. I know I've done it. Let James mourn M and then ask him out. At least you know that he's willing, and that's half the battle right there. I have to get to work now. Promise to tell me if anything else happens."

"I will. Thank you for reaffirming my own opinions Eve."

Eve leaves Q branch and heads upstairs to Mallory's...M's office. She text's Bond's mobile.

 _We need to talk._

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Bond's head feels like a disaster. His mobile is making beeping noises somewhere on the floor of? Q...Q's bedroom. Damn it!

Bond stumbles around looking for his things.

 _We need to talk._ Eve. Damn it!

He hopes he hasn't screwed this up, royally. Work relationships are delicate and Bond only has a few friends. Christ he should know better by now.

Bond dresses and leaves the flat getting a cab back to his new place. There is little, to no furnishing but his clothes are here. He climbs into the shower and lets the water sooth him as much as it's able.

What does he want from Q? Friendship or the possibility of more? Why did he go to Q's flat?

He remembers arguing about...M...with Tanner at the pub. They got ripping drunk reminiscing. Tanner knew about his feelings for M; but not the level of affection. Tanner's pissed at him for falling for her and failing as much as he is. As if he could ever forgive himself for losing her.

Damn; he remembers thinking about Q and the entire Skyfall disaster throughout the evening. Like a lost dog he bloody well ends up on Q's doorstep begging for...answers and a place to sleep.

What Kincade said to James after MI6 came to claim M's body from Skyfall, echoes in his thoughts.

" _She wouldn't want your tears for her death. She was the type of woman who knew that the dead don't feel, only the living. Go keep living for her."_

Damn the old man and his sage wisdom. Now there's this mess with Q at the centre. Not what he expected to happen but maybe what he needs to happen.

He remembers meeting Q in the museum. The young man, so full of playing cloak and dagger, giving him his papers and equipment. At first, Bond remembers being annoyed by the lads dry sense of humour and unsolicited opinions on antiquities. The obvious personal comparisons create a banter between them.

Perhaps this relationship was cemented in that first exchange. The clash of Bond's initial attack on his youth and new opinions, and Q's grudging acceptance of Bond expertise, honed by age and experience.

Regardless, Bond still sees a big bloody ship, that did some damage for Queen and country in it's life. Not yet ready to be ignominiously hauled off for scrap like Q suggests.

Q's a handsome lad...Bond noticed, along with the spots, and he's been around enough to know the signs of Q's preferences. Bond must have gone to Q's flat to offer up some company. Nothing like forgetting someone, by climbing into bed with someone else. This is a habit formed over a lifetime of emotional losses, some greater than others.

Bits of their conversations last night, drift back to him. James told him; confessed to him; all those long hidden longings for the older woman in his life. His heart still clenches when he thinks about her. What M said to him as he held her that first and last time.

 _I suppose it's too late to make a run for it...I did get one thing right._

James will bury it. Bury it deep down in the pit of past failings.

Tanner knows and now Q does, and he doesn't want to be the rebound. Completely understandable, and there are a mountain of reasons why they shouldn't.

Still...Q might be good for Bond. He calls him on his crap and doesn't seem intimidated. Q manages to look past all or most of his faults. Perhaps it's a symptom of youth and only short time at MI6. Q has not had the time to become jaded and that is the attraction.

Time to face the music and call Eve.

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Well, that was enlightening.

Eve's pissed at him. He already assumed that by her text and subsequent messages.

Eve becoming Q's protector is understandable, after all that has happened recently. The lot of them have become closer in their shared grief over the Skyfall tragedy.

This makes him even more interested in Q. He can't stop thinking about him and when he does stop thinking about him, he sinks back into a deep melancholy.

Q's sweet on him, Eve confirms it. This makes Bond smile. This is something he had serious doubts that he would ever do again. At least, not this soon after...

Who knows, after some time passes, maybe dinner and drinks?

Bond smiles to himself as he climbs into his car to head into the office. James Bond may just be more than a little sweet on Q too.

Yes. Definitely dinner and drinks. It's a new beginning after all, and what's the harm in flirting? It comes as naturally to Bond as breathing or drinking.

If this relationship gets off the ground at all there will be nothing unrequited about this one. Lacking in confidence has never usually been an issue for Bond. He hesitated for M but that was different, she was his boss. Q is a completely different story.

If anything it will be a fun diversion for the both of them. Anything is possible, and today could be the beginning of a beautiful...friendship.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Flirting**

 _All dialogue of Bond through comms is in italics._

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"If you could run faster 007, you may be able to get the briefcase back!"

 _Have you ever tried running on gravel in a proper dress shoe Q?_

"No, I can't say I have."

 _Damn...well before...you...criticize…try it. Which way?_

"The ally to your left...no not that left...the next...the other left."

 _Do try to be specific...Q….arghhh. Coming up on...a locked door...with keypad._

"I see. First why don't you try the handle. Give it a giggle and see if it's open."

 _See if it…opens...how droll._

Bond grabs the handle to find it locked and stands back and kicks it in. He runs into the building following the two men with the case.

"Did it work?"

 _No. It didn't bloody work. I kicked it in!_

"Nothing like a good leg workout."

 _How would you know Q?_

"I do get off to the gym, on occasion."

 _I bet you do. Anything on your end? This is a rather large building._

"Yes...well the helicopter pad on the roof and the incoming copter may have something to do with the mess you're chasing down."

 _Thanks for that. Maybe someone a little less sarcastic should oversee my missions from now on._

James runs to the elevator and waits. Nothing. "I can practically hear your eyes rolling 007."

 _I bet you can. Damn it! Looks like more fun running for me._

"Do hurry 007. The copter is closing in and they have a bit of a lead on you. How did you lose that case again?"

 _Two men, the size of giants came and took it._

"I don't suppose that Alia had anything to do with your distraction?"

Q sips his tea while looking at the information scrolling on the multiple screens in comms. Q is alone overseeing the mission, as is now requested by 007.

 _She did supply a couple of distractions. Why...jealous Q?_

"Really 007, you will have to try harder than that."

 _You would love me too, wouldn't you Q._

"Harumph...I think you better concentrate on those stairs. I know they get harder as you get older."

 _Harder...yes...I...will…*pant*...have to…*pant*...prove that...sometime._

Bond manages to make it to the roof and throws the door open. It hits one of the men and he drops the case. He fights with both men, disarming one and shooting both.

 _Q, do be a dear and bring the car around._

"It's on it's way. A remote controlled addition is not so juvenile now is it 007?"

 _As long as it works when I need it Q, that is all that matters._

"We are still discussing the car?"

 _Whatever else could we be discussing? I am in fully functioning order Q just ask Alia._

"Oh...did you manage to leave her satisfied, and alive?" Q realizes his mistake the moment it leaves his mouth.

"I didn't mean it like that...007...I...I...I should shut my mouth now."

 _Yes. You should._

Bond takes the elevator to the ground floor as the car pulls up. He climbs in and begins the drive to the airport.

"Bond? I really didn't mean to imply..."

 _Yes...yes you did. It's my track record. But no she lives._

"I'm sorry 007."

 _For what? Speaking the truth? Never shy away from the truth Q. Not with me._

Bond hears Q sign over the comm. "For reminding you of all you have lost."

 _I've managed to deal with it since I was a child Q. No worries. Besides you have my back now and make sure the equipment is all in working order._

Q flushes crimson as he sips from his mug again. "Yes and please bring all that equipment back in working order."

 _Yes sir!_

"If you make it to the airport within the hour you could be back in time for dinner."

 _Is that an invitation?_

"Perhaps. I know your not use to getting those. You usually just show up drunk and depressed over a woman, stealing my last beer."

 _I do still owe you that beer. I think I can manage to find your flat even sober. What are we having for dinner?_

"I was going to make up some banngers and mash."

 _I could go for that. I will see you in a few hours Q._

"Yes. Don't destroy anything between here and there Bond and M will be ecstatic."

 _I know, it will be a shock to the system for him as it is. I couldn't do it without you Q._

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Q begins tidy up his equipment in comms to take back to Q branch. Then mission now successfully completed and his mind occupied on 007 imminent arrival for dinner. He barely notices that anyone has entered the room.

"Q, how was the mission?" M says with Eve Moneypenny standing behind him with some folders in her arms.

"Good. Quite good actually." Q says momentarily flustered by the intrusion. "Case retrieved and 007 is on his way back home without incident. Two bodies on a rooftop but nothing out of the ordinary for a mission of this kind."

"Good and Bond has the car in working order still?"

"Yes and he is bringing it to the airfield for retrieval now."

"Good job all around Q. Nice to have all the equipment back for once."

"Yes sir, it is."

M moves back towards the door to leave but pauses and turns back to Q. "One thing Q, I think the flirtations over comms should be toned down a bit. Don't you?"

Q drops his mug on the floor with a resounding crash as he looks at M and then down at the mess at his feet. Eve has her hand over her mouth trying desperately to contain her laugh. Q can feel the flush climb from his chest and spread out over his face in complete embarrassment.

"Yes...well...I think...I should get something to clean this up."

M smiles at him. "Yes. I think that would be wise. All in all...good job Q." M turns and leaves Moneypenny stays behind and mouths the words, I have no idea? As she shrugs her shoulders and then follows M back to his office.

Q plops down in his chair as his forehead hits the table. "Christ...007 look what you've made me do."

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Eve follows M into his office. Tanner is within. He turns and nods to them, "how did the mission go?"

"Excellent. Now that Q is overseeing Bond's missions there is a complete change in the care and maintenance of the equipment he is sent out in the field with."

Eve smirks knowingly. "Yes, a newfound respect for Q branch."

Tanner frowns. "You would have thought he held M, excuse me, but our former M, in high enough regard to award the same standard of care. If he didn't return anything for her, I can't see why he would suddenly start doing so now."

Eve is about to respond but M does. "Yes well, I can understand why he kept Olivia Mansfield in a perpetual state of agitation."

"M?" Tanner and Eve both say in question.

"Tanner, I am sure you are aware as is Miss Moneypenny how Bond felt about the woman."

The two of them look at each other in shock and then back to M. "Yes, sir."

"Well I was only around her the briefest amount of time, and I could see it."

"See what exactly, M?" Tanner asks cautiously.

"The attractive way her eyes flashed. The animated way she was when she was riled up. Surely you noticed. Olivia Mansfield was a very attractive woman."

"Yes. She was." Tanner says, suddenly disheartened by his memory of her. "He loved to get her in a fit sometimes...but...I'm sure...that he…"

"Tanner it doesn't take a psychologist to see the way Bond acted out for negative attention. It was because that was how he liked her to be. To make her exasperated meant she was thinking about him."

Eve smiles. "She was very animated with him, sir."

"All the bloody time." Tanner adds.

"Yes and now, he and Q...yes...yes I know. Fraternization is frowned upon between employees but not against the rules. I just wanted to warn the lad that I was well aware of his crush, as were you Moneypenny. I do hope that should anything go south...that they will remain professional."

"If 007's track record is any indication, I hope Q's careful." Tanner says.

"Tanner maybe give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps Q is just what the doctor ordered for him. See life in a new perspective." Eve challenges.

"Fine that, but if they ever do get together and break apart...so much for the equipment ever being returned in proper order again." Tanner adds as he opens the mission file.

"Yes, well we will all have to wait and see, now won't we?" M says with a smile. "Back to work shall we?"

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

**Understanding**

"Ouch!" Would you please not lean on me that hard. There is plenty of room on this bed, you don't have to always hog it all!"

"You weren't complaining about room last night." Bond can see that Q's in a huff about something. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing."

"Oh Christ no! Don't start that, _oh it's nothing crap_ again. I don't have the time nor inclination to guess what the problem is this time."

"That's...just...great...get out then! You got what you came for."

"Q...come on. I'm sorry; just tell me what's bothering you."

"I think I would rather you just leave."

Bond gets up in a huff and goes to the bath. 20 minutes later he leaves the bath dressed for work. He barely looks at Q as he leaves. He's been expecting this. He needs to talk to Eve. She will have insight into whatever the bloody problem is with Q.

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Bond arrives in the office and immediately goes to Moneypenny's office.

"Hello, gorgeous how are you today?"

"007...how do you think...overworked and always having to deal with the emotional turmoil you leave behind. I knew you two getting together would be a disaster eventually." She says with a frown.

"Alright, so do you know why he's so angry with me this morning? Q certainly wasn't unhappy last night?"

"Are you sure he wasn't just dealing with you, considering you were flittering around the islands with no less than 3 women on the last mission. You were in no hurry to get home even for his birthday."

"Damn...I missed his birthday! Shit! I didn't think he would care all that much. I mean the mission was a success. I brought back all the equipment and saved the crown a fortune in prosecuting that idiot. They seized all the assets...all in all, a wonderful mission."

"Yes, but you really seemed to enjoy tossing around with those women. The last one Jane...the sister of your victim? She was surprisingly older than your normal mission fare."

"Yes." Bond sits on the sofa across from her desk and suddenly palms his face. "Did you see her? Hear her?"

"Yes, I did and so did Q, M and Tanner." Eve moves to stand and lean against her desk in front of him. "It's uncanny and I'm glad she survived, but she obviously hates you now for using her to kill her brother."

"I know...I...damn it! I know...I tried to keep away. I could have gotten in without her but…"

"She reminded you of M."

The look he gives her tells the tale of remorse and pain that she will hopefully never experience in her own life.

"Q helped heal you James. You can't treat him like yesterday's news. Or just a place to sleep once in awhile when you return. What do you feel for Q?"

"I...I like him. A lot actually. I enjoy time with him...he is...indescribably talented and attractive...I don't know. I'm not often drawn to men but occasionally to the individual, to Q...I am attracted to Q and I don't know why the hell he is willing to waste his time with me."

"James; you need to figure this out. Q's a special man. Is he someone you are willing to toss away for a fleeting month of passion with a woman who reminds you of the one you lost? Are you going to keep searching for M in every woman you meet, or see what is right in front of you? You and I both know that drowning yourself in women has never worked for you. Why not try to make something real with Q?"

"Because Eve; I'm a complete bastard that's why! I drink too much and cheat constantly. My normal day involves shooting people or working out and preparing to shoot and kill people. Damn it! Q deserves better than me. Once she told me that she would use me until I was all used up...I told her that it is good that 00's don't have a very long life expectancy. You, Tanner, M you all know I should be dead...Q's the only thing that kept me from following M into the dark."

"So...bloody well treat him that way Bond!" Eve tosses her folder on her desk as the intercom beeps to life.

"Yes M, 007 is here waiting to see you."

"Breakfast?"

"Your buying. We need to fix this James."

"I don't think I can do it without you Eve."

"Oh you could, but you're just too bloody bullheaded not to see the light in front of your face."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Q's too young for all this melodrama. If it wasn't for Eve he would not speak with him again. Gone for two months. Lost in Jane for half of that time, if he didn't have to kill her brother he likely wouldn't have come back at all.

Q putters around his work station late this morning. He was unable to pull himself out of his bed. How could they be so intimate without Bond understanding anything, just assuming he will cave to his wants and needs like those women on his mission.

When the camera rested on the mark and his family, Q's stomach sank. Eve and the others looked at him at the same time. She had a blonde pixie cut and the same shaped face. The eyes were a mystery until Bond managed to get close enough. They were a similar blue but when she laughed, Q knew that he had lost him.

Bond deactivated his comms until after the mission was a success. Q's looking over the returned equipment right now. It is all lying in front of him in near to perfect condition. Q picks up the hyperbolic listening device and examines it thoroughly.

Seized by a sudden rage Q flings it against the wall with enough force to smash it. He takes the video receiver and plugs it into his laptop. It's strange; this feeling of both wanting to know, but dreading seeing what he has imagined in his head since he saw Jane.

Schrodinger's cat, interfering with his personal life. Hoping against hope that James erased everything, so he doesn't have to listen to him seduce this surrogate for M. Would the words be similar to words James whispered in his ear when they're in bed?

The computer takes the files and Q hovers over deleting. M will have his guts for garters if he destroys evidence. He puts it in a secure file and sends it to M, without opening it. He is too raw for this today. He needs to step away.

Eve shows up with a look on her face that says she knows. "Q, how are you?"

Q manages a small smile but Eve wanders forward and stands by the mess of equipment on the floor. "I see...well, I want you to know that I informed him of why I think you're angry."

"What did you say?"

"I said it was your birthday, he missed it because he was busy in bed with his replacement for M."

Q shakes his head always amazed at how Moneypenny can see through the problem to the core in just moments. Or maybe it's because she's the most empathic of his friends. Tanner would not come to any conclusions. Tanner's uncomfortable with his physical relationship with James as it is.

"What did he say?"

"I am not going to tell you that. The two of you need to work this out and not use me as a middleman. I will be a sounding board for you without problem, but the core of this, you have to find and deal with yourself. Find out what you really expect and want with James."

"I want him."

"I know that Q. James Bond's a force of nature and he needs to be directed towards what's best for him. I've tried to force him to see...but it's up to the two of you. If he calls don't ignore him if you really want to continue this affair."

Q sighs. "Your right. How did you get so wise."

"I started to pay closer attention to those I love."

Eve hugs Q and then pushed him to arm's length. "I missed the love he held for M...we all did. Too bloody conditioned by society to not expect a man in his forties to be attracted to a woman in her sixties."

"We all missed it, but for Tanner."

"No; even Tanner didn't pick it up, or as he said his brain ignored it as something illogical by the way the two of them clashed."

"What did he and Bond fight about the night of her funeral?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No...that resides in his drunken painful memories vault. When I do ask about it, he makes a fist and grimaces as if I just attacked his mother."

"Come with me and we will get a late lunch with Tanner and we can discuss this."

"I don't want to intrude on your date with Tanner, Eve" Q says with a knowing smirk.

Eve pinches his arm. "Stop being a pill, Q. You look like shit today, and usually you're on cloud nine once he's returned home."

"Lead on then. Who am I to argue with the master of MI6."

"The master...I like that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tanner sips his pint, uncomfortable with the question. "Why do we need to drudge up old hurts?"

"James Bond that's why. He has not properly dealt with her death and none of that is more obvious than Jane. Surely you even saw that Bill."

"Yes...and M for crying out loud. It was obvious. Jane's younger but almost a clone of M."

"Yes, I was there Tanner." Q says dryly. "He came to my flat after the funeral and that is where this all started. He said he left the pub after fighting with you?"

"Yeah. I was so pissed at him. Why did he do it? Why risk her life like that off the books. I know she agreed but what bloody choice did she have. He kidnapped her just as Silva would have."

"You don't think Silva would have just shot her?" Eve asks.

"I went through Olivia's journals after she died and believe me Silva was all sixes and sevens after China. Bond told me what happened at Skyfall. How Silva screamed for her while he tossed flash grenades into the house. He wanted her alive...he wanted her to kill the both of them with one bullet. Silva was a box full of crazy. He didn't know how or if he could kill her and live without her. It was as if the madman...I don't know...felt..."

Eve and Q's eyes go wide. "He loved her too?" Eve asks.

"I think he was a bag full of crazy." Tanner says.

"That's what you fought about?" Q asks.

"Yes...look, I was mad that she was dead, and he was more than willing to take the blame for that. Then he told me he loved her. Hell! What was I supposed to say to that? He took the woman he loved as bait and managed beyond all odds to survive, but not save her. Not to mention we were both deep in our cups at the time."

"You knew he loved her?" Q asks.

"I did. I understood after a few years, and the way he acted towards her made sense finally. She would make offhanded remarks about him breaking into her flat to see her in the evening or late, far too late for it to just be a report to the boss. Christ, he could have used a mobile for that!"

"I didn't know. What about her? What did she feel for Bond?" Eve asks.

"You were new to it, just like Q. I've been around them for years. M's feelings for Bond were well hidden if they were sexual in nature. He was undoubtedly her favourite agent. Everyone could see that. She was a married woman and I don't think she was willing to toss that away just for a fleeting romance with Bond."

"Fleeting...that is all that anyone ever thinks he's capable of, me included. James and I cannot continue, I told him I didn't want to be the rebound. He's very persuasive when he puts his act on, but that is all it is, a seductive act for his pleasure."

"And the job." Eve adds. "Maybe he can't separate the job from real life anymore?"

Q looks even more depressed about the entire situation.

"No, I don't believe that either Q." Eve and Q look at Tanner shocked that he would weigh in on this romance. "James must be very attracted to you to come back to you. He doesn't do relationships and you are the closest he has ever come to actually having one."

"What do the two of you suggest?"

"If he calls don't ignore it. Go try to work things out. If you want him, let him come or call to you."

"What if he just walks away?"

Tanner and Eve look at each other and then at Q. "Q you will have to accept that and move on. I know it will be hard. I know you are emotionally invested in this relationship but you do not deserve to be just the casual lay in his life, if you want more." Eve says.

Q sighs. "You're right...it just...it feels…"

"Q, I know it's hard but he's the type you would have to give up cold turkey or it will always come back to this. You getting hurt and him running off to do whatever and whomever he wants." Tanner adds.

"I know. I will wait for him to call and meet with him. Thank you both for the support."

Eve grabs his hand across the table. "Anytime love."

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

**New Missions**

James gets a basket full of food and beer. He sent Q a message over an hour ago. He doesn't know if he will come, but if he does they may just be able to work through this mess.

He arrives at the spot and spreads the blanket out on the ground under the tree. All James sent to Q was _come find me_. The genius can manage that with ease. The question is, does he want to? James has put the man through it, over this case.

Bond has put himself through it. "You know this is all your fault." Bond says into the air. There is no one around this somber spot overlooking the graves of so many beloved lost souls.

"If you hadn't been so...infuriatingly...stubborn and unwilling to acknowledge my feelings. If you had only let me break the ice around you after Nigel died. I wouldn't be a mess about the one I never got to have. You are the only one who ever rebuffed my advances and meant it."

James opens a beer and begins drinking it. Staring at the headstone and talking to her like she's right in front of him.

"I started a thing...a real relationship with Q. Would that have shocked you? Likely not. Would you have been jealous? Shown even a raised eyebrow to the situation? I know the new M has."

James takes another sip and continues talking to Olivia's grave. "Mallory's not as bad a M as I thought he would be. He did take a bullet for you...I think you would have eventually retired and allowed him to take the reigns."

Bond looks around. The day is sunny and bright, the birds are chirping. "I've been so mad that you left me, that I've deliberately ignored that message you sent me. I still have it and I will get the nerve soon. Oh and thanks for giving me Jack...I almost threw him across the room in drunken bout of self pity but...I couldn't. Did you love me, the way I loved you? Even a little?"

Q walked up as Bond's speaking to the headstone of Olivia Mansfield. He's hidden by the tree as he listens to his lover, talk to the woman that somehow stands between them as much in death, as she did in life.

Q thinks that Bond's aware of his presence but just incase he remains quietly hidden behind the tree. He freezes when Bond mentions him. Q moves forward after hearing him questions M's ghost. If she ever loved him.

Bond's pretending to be relaxing on a picnic blanket. He takes another sip of beer. "You came."

"Yes."

"How long have you been standing there?"

"You don't know? 007 you are well trained to know when someone is spying on you."

"Usually you would be right. I've been somewhat distracted of late."

"Yes, I see. Does she talk back?"

"No, but I feel better when I talk to her. It orders my thoughts in a logical manner."

"I think she did."

"Did what?"

"I think she loved you."

James eyebrow arches in a questioning manner. "Really? How do you deduce that?"

"She never fired you for gross insubordination, for breaking into her flat. Invading the boss's personal space without permission would be a firing offence but she just let it slide. M, from what I am aware of, never let anything slide."

Bond laughs and holds out a beer for Q. Q sits beside him and they stay quiet for a while just enjoying the summer day in front of a grave.

"I have something for you Bond. Something that might make your decision easier for you."

"What decision would that be Q?"

Q hands him a pill. "To stay or to go. This will make a person susceptible to suggestion and will allow them to forget things. It affects the short term memory."

"And why in the hell do I need that?"

"For Jane. I know where she is. You could give it to her and then..."

"Stop!" James takes the pill from Q and buries it in the ground. "I don't need her...I need..."

"You need her." Q points at the grave before them.

"No. I need you. You helped me get to this point."

"What point?"

"The point that I can speak with her, and about her, without constant searing pain. I work through things by talking to her. It's helped me work through the grief. Imagining M rolling her eyes at me and verbally taking me to task."

Q smirks at him as he takes a sip of beer and digs around in the basket for something to eat. "So, what does M think of us?"

"I think she would breath a sigh of relief that I found you to rely on, and Eve and Tanner too. She would be happy we are all still at work."

"So what of us Bond?" Q asks nervously.

"You deal with my bullshit, Q you are a far better man than I."

Q smiles. "I do manage that."

"M would be happy that someone can control me."

"If you consider this control, that is."

"You control me as well as she managed if not better."

" Where are we then 007?"

"Forgive me?"

"For..."

"Missing your birthday, Jane, and a hundred other things I'm likely guilty of."

"I forgive you."

"Good. We have work to do."

"What?"

Bond pulls out a DVD from the basket. "This is from Olivia. It came in my mail at work after I got back from Skyfall. She mailed it to me knowing she would in all likelihood die. Knowing M...it involves work...no sappy personal messages that would take my mind out of the game. She likely never suspected that it would hurt like bloody hell for me to watch it"

"If she sent it to you before she died...it's very personal Bond. You were her best agent and she loved you. I love you too. I can understand if you cannot say the same, but I will wait."

"I don't deserve you Q."

"No you don't but you deserve help with this mystery, now that you are willing to face it. What are you scared this contains?"

"M's image, bitching me out from beyond the grave." He laughs that kind of joking laugh that rings hollow with truth. James know Q's not fooled by it. "Or a confession...of love that comes too late."

Bond looks to the headstone while he finishes off his beer.

"I couldn't deal with seeing M's face...hearing her voice again...saying my name or even number. If you watch it with me...maybe I can..."

"I will. I want to know what she says. I have always wondered if there was more to this Silva thing than we knew. He could have gotten to her anytime in the years between his arrest in China and now. Why did he wait so long?"

"Why didn't you ever say?"

"I knew you would get angry, or not want to hear my suspicions."

"I will always listen to you Q." Bond takes Q's hand and lifts it to his mouth.

Q pulls his laptop out of his bag and puts the DVD in. He pulls it up and leaves it. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

 _James: if anything happens to me, I want you to find a man named Marco Sciarra. Kill him, and don't miss the funeral._

It was short and simple but she pauses at the end.

 _Keep up the good fight James...and thank you._

Q pauses it and they both look at M, Olivia staring into the screen intently. Her face holds a sad resigned smile as she thanks Bond for the help she know he will give her to fight Silva.

"She knew it too. There's something more and it relates to her death and why Silva suddenly arrived after so long."

"Yes she did, Q. M would not let death get in the way of her job."

Q packs up his laptop, stands suddenly and pulls Bond up off the ground.

"M we accept your mission whatever it may be. We miss you and thank you for hiring me at MI6. You changed my life for the better." Q says to the grave of his former boss.

"M, you changed my life for the better. You taught me to love not the external, but the person, regardless of age or sex. I will miss you forever."

Bond turns to Q with a sexy smirk of a smile. "Would you like to finish this birthday picnic at my flat?"

Q smiles back. "I thought you would never ask."

Bond pulls Q to him as their lips meet. Whatever happen they will face it together.

Q gathers their things as James moves to the white marble stone, kisses his own hand and touches the engraved name on the headstone. He traces her name with his kiss.

"I will find him for you M. One final mission for the two of us."

"Three of us and the others if this goes to hell. Knowing you and her, it probably will."

Q finds the bouquet of flowers James bought beside the blanket and moves to stand with Bond as he places them on Olivia Mansfield's grave.

The two of them begin to walk away as a breeze suddenly blows, making the flowers flutter on the ground. It's as if M were here with the two of them, smelling them from beyond the grave.

The end.


End file.
